


if his eyes should break

by lyjsberet (kenmarcadeblues)



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Late at Night, M/M, No Plot/Plotless, One Shot, if you know what i mean??, they're not bfs they're yikun, yikun-typical staring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-02 21:16:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14553687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenmarcadeblues/pseuds/lyjsberet
Summary: "Who am I?""Kun, you are everything."





	if his eyes should break

“Who am I?”

 

When Xukun says this, Ziyi has his head on his stomach, lying diagonally with his knees up, one set of toes scraping the wall. Ziyi can hear waves rolling in the younger man’s body like an ocean in a shell.

 

They’re both in Xukun’s bed, and it’s been a long day, and Ziyi should’ve left 30 minutes to an hour ago but it’s so hard when Xukun doesn’t seem to want him to, doesn’t even push him with _you have to go try to sleep, weirdo_ or _I know I’m handsome but your eyes need rest, y’know_ or something of the like. (In a perfect world Ziyi would sleep here next to him, closer than he is now, and breathe Xukun in all night long as he wants; but as it is, this world they inhabit is incredibly flawed.)

 

“Huh?” Ziyi looks up and Xukun’s eyes are glassy. He wishes for the Earth to stop turning until they’re not in any danger of breaking. “Kun,” Ziyi pleads when he’s met with silence.

 

Xukun takes a careful breath, Ziyi’s head rising and falling along with his chest. “It’s just –“ he sighs, “I don’t know. I feel like everyone’s got pieces of Cai Xukun. But when I’m alone, it’s like I’m not sure...what’s left.” His eyes are everywhere but Ziyi as he speaks. “You know what I mean?”

 

Ziyi nods gently. He does.

 

It’s been harder these few months; harder since he embarked on the journey of Idol Producer and was introduced to having way too many cameras around, harder thereafter in L.A. when he discovered that privacy wasn’t easily found overseas, either. Harder to stop the line between “BOOGIE” Wang Ziyi of Simply Joy Music - now a rapper and dancer in rookie boygroup Nine Percent - and just plain twenty-two year old Wang Ziyi from blurring or fading away into obscurity. And it’s scheduled to get harder still.

 

But for Cai Xukun – former member of SWIN; popularly known as “Kunkun”; adored by iKUNs and anyone who lays eyes on him; drama star; Rank 1 on Idol Producer as an independent trainee; upcoming Face of Nine Percent – this started long ago and has never let up. And he’s only nineteen.

 

Ziyi’s Xiao Kun was indeed small when that line began to blur, and it explains a lot.

 

“I don’t know who I am,” whispers Xukun, thick bottom lip quivering the tiniest bit.

 

Ziyi rolls over and inches up into Xukun’s personal bubble. Wordlessly, he cups Xukun’s bare face, admires newly dyed hair, swipes his thumb over smooth cheek and beauty mark, and blinks at glassy eyes. “It’s okay. It’s okay not to know, because it’s not easy. God knows what we’re doing isn’t easy.”

 

Xukun falters, but eases his head into Ziyi’s hand. He won’t cry. He’s still upset, but perhaps one day he won’t be. If Ziyi says it’s okay, then it’s okay. Xukun will be okay because Ziyi’s never wrong.  He puts together the beginnings of a smile.

 

 

“Kun, you are everything.”

 

When Ziyi says this, Xukun is held in place not only by the warmth of Ziyi’s palm but by his gaze, sticky-sweet as honey. Xukun feels the older man’s pulse against his skin thrumming like a bass line in the universe’s song.

 

It must be so late now, later than late, but Xukun wouldn’t know because he hasn’t checked the time in forever; and forever is a moment with Ziyi - or is it the other way around? When they’re alone together, time becomes illusory. It’s a blessing and a curse. It’s love. It is what it is.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Just, you, uh…” Ziyi gulps, struggling not to choke on all the words clogging up his throat. “You know how to take care of everyone’s feelings. You give one hundred percent of yourself and you love people, genuinely, just because you can...and, and my God, it shows when you speak, or smile, or breathe. It’s like - you’re a normal boy pursuing his biggest dreams except no, you're not, because there’s a capacity for caring inside you that’s too big to believe. Even after going through a lot of shit and living in this hard world, you’re so lovely. Lovely in every way.” And it’s as if he stops there only because he has to breathe. Xukun tries, too, but can’t feel his chest.

 

“Ziyi.” It’s more of a gasp for air than anything.

 

“You are everything the world needs.”

 

Xukun pulls away from Ziyi’s grasp and grabs a pillow to conceal his smoldering cheeks. “I’m not,” he whines. “Really, I’m not.”

 

“You are. You are, damn it.”

 

And the way Ziyi is staring when Xukun peeks out from hiding, a ridiculous amount of stars settled in dark eyes, has Xukun wanting to believe that maybe he is. Maybe Xukun _is_ everything, as impossible as that is.

 

And the way Xukun stares back, as surely as the sun will rise in a few hours, has Ziyi believing that maybe this world isn't quite as flawed as he thought.

 

 

“It’s so late,” Xukun mumbles against Ziyi’s lips. “Go away. Leave. You’ll hate me in the morning.”

 

“Sure I will,” Ziyi laughs, and kisses him back harder.

**Author's Note:**

> i cry at indecent hours of morning over these two. its always soft hours for yikun
> 
> anyways hopefully you enjoyed my first contribution to the tag :)


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